Headphones

Sound,
Pulsing through an ingenious contraption,
Fills this reminiscent soul.
Feelings of separation and reflection
Permeates this otherwise quiet room.
Questions,
Pushed to the mind's forefront,
Are asked and pondered.
Answers,
Felt somewhere deep within
But understanding always loses the pursuit.
Music,
A man made marvel,
Has the funniest and most illogical effects.
The congregation of audible phenomena
Can make one's mood change from grey to light
And back again.
Evolution,
Having brought many useful features to the present,
I thank you.
A world without the pleasure involved here,
In my small digital device,
Would be a much dimmer place.

Book Review: The Mayor of Casterbridge

Lately my reading preference has been towards classics (I not too long ago had a craving for easy-to-read comfort novels). My most recent discovery was a book called The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy (a thrift store buy) and reading the summary on the back I had to see what it was about. The first line of the summary is "In a fit of drunken anger, Michael Henchard sells his wife and baby daughter for five guineas at a country fair." Hmm, sounds like a wonderful character. The first chapter describes the incident of the scandal, which puts the main character Michael Henchard in a bad light to say the least. But this seems to change in the following few chapters when his wife finds him again after 20 years when the man who purchased her (he is actually a gentleman, he did not buy her simply to take advantage of her) had died. Henchard is full of regret and had not consumed any alcohol since that day as a way to repent. He appears to be a changed man and sympathy for him is not hard to find. As other events take place, though, some of his character flaws start to show up again. The author somehow makes his character seem to deserve pity and love one moment and pure hatred and annoyance another. By the end of the book I was ready for him to leave the story; he just kept ruining everything with his unyielding selfishness! But then he honestly regrets his actions, so it sometimes seems like he has a double personality and it is hard to hate him entirely for that reason. The book basically narrates the life of a truly messed up man and the marks he leaves on other people. I would not say that it is exactly the most interesting read, at least not up to par with say Frankenstein or Crime and Punishment, but it was certainly intriguing and I am glad I have experienced the story. Go Penguin Classics!

Finding Distinct Sounds

I have found that my music tastes are not limited to only one fashion and in fact that I would prefer if each of my favourite artists had their own sound. For instance, I have a love for the band We Shot the Moon. They are not overly exciting or interesting, honestly, but they are very relaxing to me and I enjoy every song of theirs. I do not often enjoy any other band of a similar genre though; it just sounds too much the same. This is similar with some of the other things I listen to and so programs like Spotify are not all that helpful, since they give suggestions based on what you have played in the past. But how else should they offer new music? It also does not help that I do not love what is most popular, it all has the same sound as well. How am I to win? I just need to explore the musical realm, I guess, and hope that I find a treasure every now and then. Who do you listen to the most?

The Time is Nigh

Where has my time gone? How come I always end up wasting the thing I covet the most? I suppose this must be so if it is to receive the appreciation it deserves. Even now I feel I should be using my time differently; would I cherish these moments more if I were? Maybe, or maybe not. For too long I have simply been living, to simply get through, and I have nothing spectacular to show for it. I could recite my most recent experiences in college to any inquiring, if I wished, and I would be given pleased faces in return, but such an act cannot give me hope for my own future. It is so much easier to trust another to live their own life than to trust yourself to live your own. In the eyes of relatives they believe I will succeed in all I do, but in my eyes I can see the chance of failure at every step. Our choices truly create who we are and in what situations we are placed and who is to tell what domino-effect may be caused by one direction or another. This, as far as my knowledge goes, is how we must live; in doubt of where to go and what to do. Though I am fairly certain of one thing, that this feeling does not rest in me alone.

Questions

     So, I'm looking over the vast landscape of my small bedroom with the sounds of strange aliens conversing from the planet of Minecraft leaking in through my un-soundproof door. What do I see? Lumpy land forms of shoes, clothes, books, and other various odds and ends. Why are they there? How did they form? Did my closet experience some sort of collision? Did an earthquake shake all my books from their pedestals? Where was I when these tragic events happen? Will they happen again? Should I bother gathering a clean up crew? Let me talk to my colleagues about this issue for a few months before making any rash decisions.
     Hello college, I've heard so much about you. I thought you would be different; from what everyone else has told me I thought I'd have more freedom if I got to know you. I also hoped that I'd constantly feel enlightened, but I guess that just isn't possible. Can I learn something that I'm interested in now? Why must I take all these unnecessary classes, why are you trying to control me? I will prevail, let me assure you. I also hoped for clarity; what should I do with my life? The more I learn, the more confused I get. Everything's getting complicated! Why must I do this all myself? I guess I'm not alone, but it seems like I'm the only one interested in me sometimes. You are definitely not interested in me, you are just an impersonal idea that American culture has made seem important and necessary. I really don't need you though, I could learn everything I need from experience...that is, if anyone would let me get experience without you. Sigh, looks like you win there. Again I emphasize though, I Will Prevail! That is all, for now.

'What-Do-I-Know' Ramblings

Life is like a sick sine curve.
The ups and downs,
The hormone cycles,
The seasons.
Life does what it wants
And we are mere victims
Of its seemingly whimsical ways.
You can be happy.
You can be very happy.
Sadness will come again someday.
It may appear that nothing we do
Can change the fate of this vast world.
And maybe that is true.
Perception is a funny thing though,
For I can see the world improving
And my life with it.
Am I important?
Statistically, maybe not.
Personally, I think so.
How can I make a difference?
I may never end up in a text book
Being memorized by future generations
Just trying to get through their education.
So what?
People around me;
Neighbors,
Family,
Friends.
They all exist
And are equally as complex as I am.
Do they care about me?
Can my actions change their picture of the world?
Maybe.
Who am I to know?
I don't need to know.
To be myself,
And strive towards greatness,
Is all I have to worry about.
I just hope that along the way
I can impact the lives of others.
Positively.

Crazy Nerdy Excitement!

     So I had orientation at Wright State yesterday, and I just have to say that I am so freakin' excited for college! Just walking through the Biological Science building with labs to be seen left and right made me giddy, and honestly my heart hurt by how much I wanted to learn in that building! Haha, it sounds so silly I know! I'm pretty sure I was the only person in my group that felt this way though. And then whenever the professors/students got to talking about how if we're lucky we could do research while still a freshman, I couldn't help but feel myself glow inside. That literally is one of the most exciting ideas for me; to perform research with my professors would be such an honor! That and studying abroad, what could be cooler? I just cannot wait to start this college journey, I know it's going to be epic! I wish I had had a parent or friend at orientation with me so that I could have shared some of the emotions I had during it, but I really can't complain. Which brings me to something else I want to discuss, about growing up in general.
     Everything that's been happening to me lately, such as finishing high school, getting a job, and being more independant, has been causing me to mature rather quickly. Being at orientation by myself and finding that I'm not an awkward loner, meaning I still easily talked to others and really didn't feel left out, made me clearly realize that I'm not really a kid anymore. I wouldn't go as far to say that I feel like an adult right now, but I feel like that isn't far from coming. I can feel this shift in me happening right now, and it's a crazy, unimagined sensation. I honestly did not think that I would start "becoming an adult" until after I have had my own car and place to live for a while, but it seems that working, going to college, and having my own money will make this happen without the car and house (but hopefully I will have a car before long!). Haha, this is still so new to me that I don't know what to think about it yet, except that I'm so excited for the future! Great things are happening, that's all I know.