Headphones

Sound,
Pulsing through an ingenious contraption,
Fills this reminiscent soul.
Feelings of separation and reflection
Permeates this otherwise quiet room.
Questions,
Pushed to the mind's forefront,
Are asked and pondered.
Answers,
Felt somewhere deep within
But understanding always loses the pursuit.
Music,
A man made marvel,
Has the funniest and most illogical effects.
The congregation of audible phenomena
Can make one's mood change from grey to light
And back again.
Evolution,
Having brought many useful features to the present,
I thank you.
A world without the pleasure involved here,
In my small digital device,
Would be a much dimmer place.

Book Review: The Mayor of Casterbridge

Lately my reading preference has been towards classics (I not too long ago had a craving for easy-to-read comfort novels). My most recent discovery was a book called The Mayor of Casterbridge by Thomas Hardy (a thrift store buy) and reading the summary on the back I had to see what it was about. The first line of the summary is "In a fit of drunken anger, Michael Henchard sells his wife and baby daughter for five guineas at a country fair." Hmm, sounds like a wonderful character. The first chapter describes the incident of the scandal, which puts the main character Michael Henchard in a bad light to say the least. But this seems to change in the following few chapters when his wife finds him again after 20 years when the man who purchased her (he is actually a gentleman, he did not buy her simply to take advantage of her) had died. Henchard is full of regret and had not consumed any alcohol since that day as a way to repent. He appears to be a changed man and sympathy for him is not hard to find. As other events take place, though, some of his character flaws start to show up again. The author somehow makes his character seem to deserve pity and love one moment and pure hatred and annoyance another. By the end of the book I was ready for him to leave the story; he just kept ruining everything with his unyielding selfishness! But then he honestly regrets his actions, so it sometimes seems like he has a double personality and it is hard to hate him entirely for that reason. The book basically narrates the life of a truly messed up man and the marks he leaves on other people. I would not say that it is exactly the most interesting read, at least not up to par with say Frankenstein or Crime and Punishment, but it was certainly intriguing and I am glad I have experienced the story. Go Penguin Classics!

Finding Distinct Sounds

I have found that my music tastes are not limited to only one fashion and in fact that I would prefer if each of my favourite artists had their own sound. For instance, I have a love for the band We Shot the Moon. They are not overly exciting or interesting, honestly, but they are very relaxing to me and I enjoy every song of theirs. I do not often enjoy any other band of a similar genre though; it just sounds too much the same. This is similar with some of the other things I listen to and so programs like Spotify are not all that helpful, since they give suggestions based on what you have played in the past. But how else should they offer new music? It also does not help that I do not love what is most popular, it all has the same sound as well. How am I to win? I just need to explore the musical realm, I guess, and hope that I find a treasure every now and then. Who do you listen to the most?

The Time is Nigh

Where has my time gone? How come I always end up wasting the thing I covet the most? I suppose this must be so if it is to receive the appreciation it deserves. Even now I feel I should be using my time differently; would I cherish these moments more if I were? Maybe, or maybe not. For too long I have simply been living, to simply get through, and I have nothing spectacular to show for it. I could recite my most recent experiences in college to any inquiring, if I wished, and I would be given pleased faces in return, but such an act cannot give me hope for my own future. It is so much easier to trust another to live their own life than to trust yourself to live your own. In the eyes of relatives they believe I will succeed in all I do, but in my eyes I can see the chance of failure at every step. Our choices truly create who we are and in what situations we are placed and who is to tell what domino-effect may be caused by one direction or another. This, as far as my knowledge goes, is how we must live; in doubt of where to go and what to do. Though I am fairly certain of one thing, that this feeling does not rest in me alone.

Questions

     So, I'm looking over the vast landscape of my small bedroom with the sounds of strange aliens conversing from the planet of Minecraft leaking in through my un-soundproof door. What do I see? Lumpy land forms of shoes, clothes, books, and other various odds and ends. Why are they there? How did they form? Did my closet experience some sort of collision? Did an earthquake shake all my books from their pedestals? Where was I when these tragic events happen? Will they happen again? Should I bother gathering a clean up crew? Let me talk to my colleagues about this issue for a few months before making any rash decisions.
     Hello college, I've heard so much about you. I thought you would be different; from what everyone else has told me I thought I'd have more freedom if I got to know you. I also hoped that I'd constantly feel enlightened, but I guess that just isn't possible. Can I learn something that I'm interested in now? Why must I take all these unnecessary classes, why are you trying to control me? I will prevail, let me assure you. I also hoped for clarity; what should I do with my life? The more I learn, the more confused I get. Everything's getting complicated! Why must I do this all myself? I guess I'm not alone, but it seems like I'm the only one interested in me sometimes. You are definitely not interested in me, you are just an impersonal idea that American culture has made seem important and necessary. I really don't need you though, I could learn everything I need from experience...that is, if anyone would let me get experience without you. Sigh, looks like you win there. Again I emphasize though, I Will Prevail! That is all, for now.

'What-Do-I-Know' Ramblings

Life is like a sick sine curve.
The ups and downs,
The hormone cycles,
The seasons.
Life does what it wants
And we are mere victims
Of its seemingly whimsical ways.
You can be happy.
You can be very happy.
Sadness will come again someday.
It may appear that nothing we do
Can change the fate of this vast world.
And maybe that is true.
Perception is a funny thing though,
For I can see the world improving
And my life with it.
Am I important?
Statistically, maybe not.
Personally, I think so.
How can I make a difference?
I may never end up in a text book
Being memorized by future generations
Just trying to get through their education.
So what?
People around me;
Neighbors,
Family,
Friends.
They all exist
And are equally as complex as I am.
Do they care about me?
Can my actions change their picture of the world?
Maybe.
Who am I to know?
I don't need to know.
To be myself,
And strive towards greatness,
Is all I have to worry about.
I just hope that along the way
I can impact the lives of others.
Positively.

Crazy Nerdy Excitement!

     So I had orientation at Wright State yesterday, and I just have to say that I am so freakin' excited for college! Just walking through the Biological Science building with labs to be seen left and right made me giddy, and honestly my heart hurt by how much I wanted to learn in that building! Haha, it sounds so silly I know! I'm pretty sure I was the only person in my group that felt this way though. And then whenever the professors/students got to talking about how if we're lucky we could do research while still a freshman, I couldn't help but feel myself glow inside. That literally is one of the most exciting ideas for me; to perform research with my professors would be such an honor! That and studying abroad, what could be cooler? I just cannot wait to start this college journey, I know it's going to be epic! I wish I had had a parent or friend at orientation with me so that I could have shared some of the emotions I had during it, but I really can't complain. Which brings me to something else I want to discuss, about growing up in general.
     Everything that's been happening to me lately, such as finishing high school, getting a job, and being more independant, has been causing me to mature rather quickly. Being at orientation by myself and finding that I'm not an awkward loner, meaning I still easily talked to others and really didn't feel left out, made me clearly realize that I'm not really a kid anymore. I wouldn't go as far to say that I feel like an adult right now, but I feel like that isn't far from coming. I can feel this shift in me happening right now, and it's a crazy, unimagined sensation. I honestly did not think that I would start "becoming an adult" until after I have had my own car and place to live for a while, but it seems that working, going to college, and having my own money will make this happen without the car and house (but hopefully I will have a car before long!). Haha, this is still so new to me that I don't know what to think about it yet, except that I'm so excited for the future! Great things are happening, that's all I know.

The Curse of Potential

     I think I am at a critical point in my life. At the risk of sounding clique, I kind of feel like an empty canvas. Well, maybe not entirely so, there is at least a background color for some future picture. The trouble is, what the heck do I want to draw? It has recently been brought back to my attention that I am not super talented at any one thing. Though I try to avoid being the same as anyone else, I almost would prefer a typical, impressive skill such as playing an instrument or drawing over what I do have. What is this you may ask? The ability to not suck at most things. Now I really don't want to sound like I'm bragging, because I really am not, but I have found that I am pretty well rounded in the kinds of things I can do. I have a decent singing voice, I can sew a bit, I can paint and draw a little, I can understand math, I am pretty good at computers and video games, I can run long distances, blah blah blah. Any one of those things could be something someone is amazing at, but I am not one of those people. I have the potential to be great at anything, I think, and all I'd have to do is choose one, or maybe two. But I cannot seem to make up my mind what I like best, I want to be great at them all! That may not be possible though and certainly not easy.
     This dilemma extends into my career goals as well. When I was younger, I wanted to be a vet. I always thought the idea of being able to take care of my own animals, as well as those of my friends and family, and give shots legally was so cool, and I was set on doing that for many years. Being older though I have realized how much that kind of job would not make me happy. Being a vet for a normal institution is not about helping people or the animals really, it's about making money. Ever since we had to put to sleep my dog a few years ago, I have a distaste for these modern vet clinics. So I had come up with the idea to run my own shop where I would give good service for reasonable prices. I still like this idea and hope to make it happen, but recently I've thought that I really want to go out into various places in the world to study habitats and perform important research. This is currently what I'm set on, but even more recently I've been inspired to become more humanistic in my studies. I really love people, work has made me see this more, and I so badly want the ability to relate to many kinds of people. One thing this would require is a diverse knowledge of language. This means that so far I want to become an expert on veterinary, business, research, and linguistic skills. Haha, how can one person do so much? I would never get done with school! A normal person would pick one of those and be content, so why can't I? I could succeed in any of these, but I cannot see how I could have more than a basic understanding in all of them. Hmm, too bad I can't just be an elf from Lord of the Rings or Eragon that theoretically has eternity to learn whatever the heck they want. Oh well, I'm alive so I can't really complain. If I experience an epiphany on this topic I'm sure I'll blog about it. For now I'm just going to give it all some more thought. Yay for thinking!

The Resolutions of a New Life

     So, it's been a while since my last post. The last few months of high school and the IB program consumed all of my energy and I basically gave up everything except school, but now I intend to make up for lost time! I have come to realize a lot about myself recently and a lot has been happening to me lately, such as school being over, working my first job, and meeting new people. I have felt inspired to make things happen for a long time and so now I'm going to try to describe what I've been thinking into comprehensible words. So here we go, some resolutions for life!
     I think the main thing I've realized during my experience with IB is that I want to travel so badly! I want to see the world and all the kinds of cultures that exist. I've already made up my mind to study abroad in Australia sometime during my undergraduate education, working in the rainforest there perhaps? Haha, I have much excitement for this. Random fact, did you know that Australia contains every climate? Except maybe arctic, I can't remember, but the idea is still so cool! And just for fun, did you know that the longest road in Australia is over 5,000 miles? That's like driving from New York to Hawaii, if that were possible. Crazy stuff exists in Australia! Anyway, I've also decided recently that I want to learn to speak and write Arabic and then eventually go and visit the culture, in Africa maybe? That's where one of my good friends is from, Northern Africa, and I can't help but get really enthused whenever I consider myself going there. I take that as a sign that I should go someday. And hearing about other people going to places such as Germany and France makes me want to go too. I definitely have to visit Rome, my Latin teacher instilled a love for the whole country and its history/culture. Oh goodness, the world is crazy!
     Somewhat related to my desire to travel, I also feel driven to start becoming a hiking and camping fanatic. I've always loved hearing the experiences of others who have taken on crazy hiking adventures and I would love to have my own stories to share. As of yet, I have never been camping anywhere other than populated camping grounds, which is still fun but I really want to rough it out and see how I manage. I don't think I'll try to do what Bear Grylls does or anything, I don't want to Die, but it would be cool to have to make a shelter and to start a fire without a lighter. Haha, I'll probably need to learn how to do all those things first though!
     And now there's a more vague idea I've been contemplating. Because of how many people I see at work, I've been given a renewed desire to become more involved in other people's lives. I've reread some of my blog posts and journal entries recently and I can see that this is something I've wanted for a long time, but I haven't really felt capable until now. I don't know what's different in me that makes this seem possible, but now I'm not so afraid to put myself out there and try new things/meet new people. I'm not afraid to feel awkward like I used to be, which makes everything a lot easier. I don't know, this is a new feeling so I don't really know how to explain it. But yeah, things are happening and I'm so excited to experience them!
     I guess that's all for now, I'll hopefully be blogging again soon!

    

The Paradigm of American Christianity

     I have become increasingly aware of how little the Christians around me actually know anything about religion. Most of them can name a few other religious groups, such as Jews and Muslims, but how many know that 'Sikhism', 'Juche', and 'Baha'i' even exist? I know that I didn't! Lately I have been wanting to become more culturally aware, but what's sad is that I have not even completely read the religious text of my own faith, the Bible! I have likely read more of it than many Christians, but there are so many that have read the whole thing multiple times, and members of other religions seem to have their's memorized! Though this could just be a misconception of my ignorance. I have a new desire to understand what my religion is supposed to stand for and how/why it exists, but not only this I want to understand other religions and what connections they all have with each other. I would love to become aware of all the current world religions, but there are so many! So for now I am going to look at the big ones and work my way down to the more obscure. If anyone wants me to research a specific kind, feel free to comment and tell me. I will do my best to stay unbiased and restrain from inputting my own opinions. If no suggestions come, I will start with the most obvious, Christianity, though the number of sects will take some time to sort through. And so the journey begins! 

Random Thoughts of a Soul

     Has anyone else noticed that adults and life in general has been lying to us all our lives? Obviously not everything is a lie, but many things are. For instance, who decided that kids under their parents' care can't possibly feel things such as stress or love? I'm a kid still and I know what both of these sensations are. Sure, I don't know what it's like to have a love that results from marriage, but honestly how many married people do know what this is? Not all of them, that's for sure. But this is not the only kind of love! If you think that to love someone means to be in a romantic relationship, then you are missing out! I love my friends dearly, both guys and girls. To me, those relationships have been far more fruitful than all of my dating experiences put together. And sure, I don't know what it's like to be financially in charge of little people, but I do know how to take care of them and the pressure that comes from them looking up to you. I do this while trying to focus on preparing myself for my own some day, by getting a stable, decent paying career that I also love. That's pretty tricky.
     I think teenagers everywhere are underestimated. The average adult just assumes that since we do not have as many years of experience as they have, we just can't know anything about life. They tell us things like "high school and college will be the best times of our lives" and that "we have so much freedom" which of course we take for granted. What I want to tell these kinds of adults is "hey, you know nothing about me!" And it would be true, they don't know what it's like to be in AP or IB classes these days or how much pressure we have to go to college. My teachers now will admit that school is much harder than it used to be and many colleges are raising their standards. And they probably don't know what it's like to be like a mom to six younger siblings at the age of 18 because their parents are seperated. Of course I'm not saying anything bad about my parents, but it is inevitable that there is some slack to pick up from both of them when now they have their own households to run by themselves. Now this is just stuff about me, I can't even imagine what other teens are going through. I wish I could say that I knew more about other people, more of their struggles and desires. In the entire span of my life I have mostly worried about myself and my family, which isn't bad, and now I'm wishing that I could have gotten more involved with others. I plan on being more proactive in friendships from now on, but I may have realized I wanted this too late for high school. Which is definitely unfortunate.
     I hope this makes sense to anyone reading, and if someone feels similarly feel free to comment and share your thoughts. I'm off to try and collect my own thoughts and put them into some kind of action.

A Midsummer Night's Dream - Amazing!

I just want to get started by saying GOOD JOB FAIRMONT ACTORS!! I honestly can say that this year's winter play was the best school performance I've been to. The whole set up was brilliant and I loved the atmosphere. The modern twist made it so much more humorous, definitely worth getting NHS hours for! (I would have gone anyway though)

But now, I would like to individually congratulate the actors. Here we go!

Kevin Manley - I don't personally know you, but good job! You pulled off a very sophisticated Theseus.
Briahna Shifflett - You also did a great job! And I like your tattoo:)
Abby Lybrook - You were awesome, very good bit at the end before the Pyramus and Thisbe play!
                          (and thanks for the invitation to the wedding!)
Patrick Condron - Very nice job, liked the acting.
Caroline Grogan - Really enjoyed your character, good job on the dramatic parts.
Sean Cassidy - Your acting was good as well, enjoyed the funny scenes.
Jacob Nickel - Not going to lie, I did not expect you would be that good! You spoke very nicely and acted
                        well.
Ananda Harris - Good job girl! Your character was so funny, I loved it!
Melanie West - You know, it's funny because you sometimes act that silly in real life! Love you Mel!
Kevin O'Donnell - Awesome job Kevin, you were the perfect guy for the part!
Indigo Monbeck - Nice job, adding the skateboard was a good idea!
Matt Ebersbach - You were fantastic! I am so excited to see you perform in Miami shows!!
Katie Molnar - Nicely done, even with the IB load you managed your character well.
Kevin Heinkel - I have to say, your character was one of the funniest, even though you had hardly any lines!

And good job to the stage crew and everyone I missed! You guys made a Great show!

My Kind of Perfect - Inspired

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch9RBTb1oRo&feature=related


I advise you watch this video before reading what I have to say, the theme was inspired by it. A theme that is pretty common, and probably too clique for anyone to care. It's about love. Yep, probably lost any potential readers. But I'm not here to talk about how "I'm so lonely" and "why can't my knight-in-shining-armor arrive"? Nope. Instead, I would like to start off by discussing the word's tragic death. Love, what does it even mean? Well...


"An intense feeling of deep affection."
Sure.


Really?

"Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)."

"To get pleasure from."

Hmm...

Haha, sucks doesn't it? How are you supposed to know what someone means when they say "I love you"? Okay, that's great. Now does that you you want to marry me or am I just a hobby to you? Hopefully the latter isn't true, interests change.

But that is also clique, I could go on youtube right now and find something that talks about the over/misuse of the word 'love'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Iv62bxFTW0&feature=BFa&list=UU0jIctUPBK6lHw4AYnGHvCA&lf=plcp

Oh look, found one!

This has a religious twist to the issue, but the problem is real nonetheless.

This being said, I would like to get to the point, to the reason why I'm actually writing this. I would like to openly show my appreciation for people who aren't afraid to be real, in front of the world, where judgement could be passed on them. David, for instance, is willing to let his fans know that he hasn't dated anyone, which could be embarrassing to some, and that he's going to wait for "his kind of perfect." How adorable is that? Of course he could be lying to gain the respect of female minds like mine, but I find that possibility very unlikely.

I know of only a few people with this kind of confidence. It's hard to be that strong, I know that I'm not there yet, but I also know that it will be worth the struggle. Someday I hope to be there, unshakeable in my beliefs and standards. But even if I never do, I can at least be sure that I'm going to continuously get closer. Anyone want to join me? :)

Shut Up and Listen...I'm Right!

     My desire to use the title in my daily life has been continually increasing lately, I'm surprised I haven't already said it aloud by accident. It has definitely crossed my mind a few times, usually with a hint of extreme irritation. It's pretty sad though, especially since I can recognize my own fallacious thinking. I know that 'truths' cannot ever be concidered entirely true, since all of our ways of knowing have significant weaknesses. You'd think that given this I wouldn't believe so strongly that one idea has more truth than another, but my own prideful nature often overrides logic.
     Now this doesn't mean that I don't listen to opposing arguments and that I immediately reject ideas that conflict with my own. I have no problem ditching one theory for another, as long as I'm shown substantial proof. In fact, I would gladly take the side with more convincing evidence. But if I'm a part of an argument where only opinions and personal interpretations are used to prove a point, I'm sorry but I'm going to secretly think that everyone is hopelessly wrong. I don't always mean to do this, but it happens nonetheless.
     I prefer intellectual discussions where actual knowledge is used over pointless debates about who cares what.
     I know I seem pretty negative right now, which I am, so excuse me if offense is taken. But please, people, stop arguing about topics you know hardly anything about. Do a little research before you say you're right and I'm wrong. And for goodness sakes, don't make up facts like my brother does, it only increases my inflated ego that says I'm always right. I need to be humbled soon before I think I'm all powerful as well.

Talk Much?

I have a very annoying delemma; I am incapable in verbally conveying my true opinion about any certain topic no matter how hard I try. I just can't seem to make my words work! I always feel like any great idea I have immediately becomes very much ungreat as soon as I try to tell someone else about it. Why is this? How do I make others understand what I mean? I have no idea, so don't expect an answer. I almost feel like if I just never spoke again, I would be so much happier because then I would never notice the silly side of every thought I conceive and honestly thought was a super awesome idea. How come other people's words get me down so easily? I seem so sincere about whatever it is I'm thinking about before I share it, so why does one person's criticism of it cause me to rethink the entire thing right then and there. And most of the time, that results in me simply giving up the idea, never to ponder it again. That's seems very problematic to me, I shouldn't be so sensitive to the thoughts of others. I think it may have something to do with the inborn code of having to be right that I can't help but follow, due to the lack of the confidence level needed to break it. How do we even build up our confidence anyway? And I mean in a healthy way that won't end up in a later crash, like when people change their appearance to gain the approval of others. I don't want a quick fix for this problem, I want to genuinly have the strongness that comes when one finally isn't affected by the negative opinions around them. But how is this accomplished? I know from my Christian background that my answer should simply be "ask God to fix it," but for some reason that just doesn't cut it for me. I believe that he can fix it in others, but for some reason I doubt that he'll fix it in me. It sounds so stupid to me even as I write this, but nevertheless it's truly how I feel. I wish it were different, but I would be lying to say that it was. I want so badly to let go and just let God handle everything, but something holds me back and I can't pin point what it is. Again, "ask God" is the first thought that pops into my mind, but I feel like I don't even actually understand that anymore. Maybe I should just stop trying to figure everything out because it's not working or leading me anywhere. Maybe I could just start from the begining. Sigh, I could really use a mentor or something.

Courting is the Way to Go

After contemplating my last few dating relationships, I've come to the conclusion that the popular approach to them is not for me. None of them have made me feel genuinely good, through all of them I have felt smothered in some way. I always was trying to please the other, afraid to speak up and be myself, often neglecting my friends, forced to deal with constant prodding for some kind of physical attention (such as hand holding or a kiss), and being unable to think of anyone or anything else. It was not fun looking back, though I couldn't see that then. Do all relationships have to be like that? I hope not. I've heard of a few people who have had a contrastingly pleasant experience when it came to dating, only they called it courting. Courting is a bit like dating, except a whole lot different. There is a rather strict set of rules that goes along with it that various from couple to couple really. Some take it to the exreme, absolutely no touching of any kind and no alone time whatsoever. Others can be more lenient, maybe holding hands or hugging prior to marriage with maybe a few private moments while taking a walk through the park. I am not an extreme person, so neither of these options would quite fit my style, but a combination could suffice. Therefore, my idea of a perfect relationship is one which includes no touching except maybe the occasional, friendly hug (but that's it, I've learned that I'm Way to sentimental to even allow hand holding) and allowing for a few "alone" dates to public places. I wouldn't want to be alone in the car with the person, at least not at night, because that's the pretty much the opposite of a public place, and I would want to get to know the person for several months at the least, perferably a year or two, before getting engaged or married. It sounds kind of harsh perhaps, but I'm not willing to have another pointless relationship. There are more important things I need to focus on in this life, and I don't need a bunch of boys distracting me from those things. I believe that if I'm even supposed to get married, then I'll run into to one for me, so it seems like a waste of time and effort for me to go out looking and trying out all the ones available through dating. So, conclusion being, courting is what I choose, and I will not settle for anything other.

I just felt the need to share my resolution about this so that I can solidify my decision even more, so thanks to anyone who chose to read it. I hope I wasn't too much of a bore.

A Rant Regarding Religious People

Nothing makes me more angry than Christians who taint God's good name by attempting to shove religion down the throats of nonbelievers or misguided people. They aren't doing any good for what they call God's kingdom, all they are doing is making Christians look bad and it drives those they are trying to help away, possibly to never take Christians or God seriously again. The ineffectiveness that a judgemental and unexcepting Christian is obvious to most everyone else besides that person. How can they not see? Can't they tell that they aren't producing any possitive relationships by the way they gossip and treat others? Isn't it clear that those who need the most help are simply pushed away by the blunt dissaproval that is placed on them? I was at a small get together not too long ago, and I was actually pretty excited for it because I was going to see people I hadn't seen in years. Well, it turned out to be a very uncomfortable experience. The whole time the adults couldn't resist the urge to obnoxiously mention God or biblical text wherever they could while, of course, condeming certain people they had come across with in their years. I mean, I believe that God is very important and all, I love Him very much, but seriously? How does going to the grocery store Really relate to a bible verse? Sure God provides for us and all, but is it really necessary to insert it? I mean, it was obvious that the whole table knew the verse already. It was probably just an attempt to show off their scripture knowledge further. Another thing, is it necessary to thoughtlessly throw groups of people into boxed categories, as if the individuals in that group were exactly the same? Teenagers was a very popular one. Apparently all teenagers are selfishly ignorant and have no sense of time, willing to throw away their entire life just for the need to be rebellious. Really? Okay! Also, they have no self confidence and are bound to conform themselves to the downward spiral of today's society if they are left to choose for themselves. I think not. I happen to have some self confidence and general knowledge about time, like how there's 24 hours in a day and 364 days in a year, and how a lot can happen in that time. I know that a relationship of only a few months doesn't make it permanent, even if it did seem so at the time. Do all adults know that? I do not believe so. I've heard of stories where grown men and women have gotten married after only a few months or even Weeks of being together. Does that seem logical? Not at all! And then those poeple get divorced and they wonder what happened. Hmmm, tough one. And how does discussing everyone else's flaws help them anyway? Even if I was their stereotypical teenager, are they in any way enhancing their life experience by pointing out the wrongs in me? No, they are only exposing their own weaknesses. For instance, one of the conversation topics was about a girl who got married to a man that wasn't a very positive influence because of his past problems and current struggles. She had been volunteering at her church, working with a group of children. But that was "unexceptable" according to the man in charge of the ministry crew because she was now a bad influence to the children because of her husband. So, in order to "correct" the "destructive" situation, the guy in charge of a church's ministry crew decided to disallow the girl to be involved in that church in the hopes that she wouldn't pollute the minds of the young chaps. What? Pollute the children? What would the girl have done? Told all the little girls to go marry men who had some severe problems that would make their lives miserable? No, that's ridiculous! The man thought he had done the right thing, but all he managed to do was make that couple stop going to church and seek fellowship from them. Wow, good job, very successful. But of course the man could not see this as a problem, he was only worried about keeping his church full of perfect little Christians. What a great church, only reaching out to those who don't need any help on their walk with God. But honestly, those people probably need to most help of all. Many of them have convinced themselves that they are better than everyone else (they would never admit that, but it's obvious they believe it). That's not how Jesus acted when he walked the earth many years ago. He spent time with the drunks, the selfish, the immoral poeple, not the snobby, rich, and religious ones. Maybe I'm the only one who thinks like this, maybe I'm the odd one here. But I plan to do things the way Jesus did and not pass judgement on all of those who are different from me (which is everyone, in case anyone has forgotten). I know I won't do it as well as Jesus did, but I'm willing to give it my best.

*I realise that I have also stereotyped people in the process of writing this, it's hard not to. So if anyone is offended then, I am sorry, I am just trying to make a point. Good day to you all!*

Freak-Outs of the Appearance

A few days ago I got my hair cut super short, and ever since then I have had a multitude of people either silently judge me for it or mistake me for one of the male gender. What is wrong with a Christian girl having "sinfully" short hair, and how do I look like a boy? I've got womenly curves for goodness sakes! Or atleast teenage girl curves. Luckily it's mostly the younger generation that has asked me if I was a boy or a girl, so I can forgive them quite easily since they simply don't know better, but it is a bit weird when adults somehow don't see any femininity about me and just throw out "him"s and "he"s all over the place. Not that I care too much, but it has gotten me to think about it. What exactly is it that makes me appear to be an average teenage boy instead of an adventurous girl who likes to experiment with hair length? I suppose I don't always wear the most girlyish clothes, make-up isn't my thing, and my voice isn't the popular generic feminine kind, but I don't think that would automatically makes me seem like a boy. Maybe people don't look at details anymore and just make judgements on the most obvious features, such as hair. I wish I could understand what it is that others see when they look at me, because I definitely see a girl (not that that means much, since I Know I'm a girl). But I guess it isn't really that important, I'll just have to start getting used to this kind of thing if I'm going to keep my hair short. My friend Marie learned to live with it in her mohawk days, so I can learn to as well! But in the meantime, hopefully this rant has helped all of you to think twice before calling a short-haired-girl a "he" and possibly lowering her sacred self-esteem. That being said, good day to you all!

Peanut Butter Wafers with a Side of Inspiration

So here I am, sitting in a small room surrounded by windows at 10 o'clock at night with a laptop in my grasp, just thinking of what I could possibly blog about. Well, nothing was coming to mind, so of course I would get up to get myself a snack and put some music on, which ended up being instrumental music inspired by nature (a.k.a. soundscapes). While eating the peanut-buttery treat to the sound of "Clouds," I finally felt motivated enough to start writting, not totally sure where it would take me. But that's not really the point is it? I'm not a huge planner, I usually just frustrate myself in the process and give up if nothing comes to mind quick enough. This quality of me is extremely evident when it comes to my artwork. The only pieces that I have come to enjoy the most and actually still like to admire are the ones that I had spontaneously picked up a paintbrush and started putting some colors down, not worrying about the ending product in the least. That's how I like to work, in most situations at least. I feel it's easier that way, leaves more room for creation and less room for stress. Oh stress. My mom always tells me that stress isn't real and that our minds create it, which makes sense unless you also believe the concept that everyone has their own reality. If that's your stance, then you would have to admit that if someone created stress for themselves, then it would be real to them. I believe that stress doesn't have to occur if you have the right mindset, but I also believe that it exists. Wow, it's crazy the effect classical music can have on me. Just a little bit ago I was kind of in a grumpy mood, for no reason of course (don't you love that?), and in no mood to reflect on random ideas like this. I should listen to it more often, then maybe I won't be so moody all the time. Though when you have 7 siblings plus parents to deal with everyday, each one pulling on a different nerve than the other, music might not do the trick all the time. And playing less video games would be helpful too. I've been into these games called Dragon Age and Fable II lately (thanks to my older brother, the ultimate gamer) and I've noticed that being on them for too many hours makes me the most cranky grump, and once I'm in that mood it's hard to change it. Perhaps simply timing myself on it would keep me from playing all day, but I like being in a game too much sometimes. It's an addiction I believe my whole family suffers from (except my mom, she's somehow immune). But anyway, it's about bedtime for me (though it might seem weird for a teenager to go to bed at 11 during the summer, that's one reason why I'm not normal). I'll write again sometime and hopefully reading this wasn't too boring, not that I really care, this blog is more for me than it is for you. Have a great night, morning, whatever!

Unskilled Rookie

So, first blog, first post. I'm sure that makes everyone excited...especially since I have no idea what I'm even going to write about. But I've got to start somewhere right? The only times that I ever really discuss my thoughts and/or feelings about some seemingly very important event or idea through the unspoken arrangement of words is in my own, handcrafted journal. But I don't want to make this into a dramatic novel of my life for anyone to see. So then, what do I want to make of this? Well, I guess I would just like to be able to write down my secretive opinions about certain subjects in the hopes that by allowing others to agree or disagree with them, and maybe offering their own opinions, I would then gain enough confidence in myself to be able to finally speak my mind without the fear, or care, of disaproval. With this being said, I will end this first and short attempt at writing something interesting and come back when I have a grand idea for another post. Until then, I'm going to try to enjoy the next few days before I'm going to be forced into working on my dreaded summer homework. Good day to you all! (which is probably not many, doubting that there will be a lot of readers)