Questions

     So, I'm looking over the vast landscape of my small bedroom with the sounds of strange aliens conversing from the planet of Minecraft leaking in through my un-soundproof door. What do I see? Lumpy land forms of shoes, clothes, books, and other various odds and ends. Why are they there? How did they form? Did my closet experience some sort of collision? Did an earthquake shake all my books from their pedestals? Where was I when these tragic events happen? Will they happen again? Should I bother gathering a clean up crew? Let me talk to my colleagues about this issue for a few months before making any rash decisions.
     Hello college, I've heard so much about you. I thought you would be different; from what everyone else has told me I thought I'd have more freedom if I got to know you. I also hoped that I'd constantly feel enlightened, but I guess that just isn't possible. Can I learn something that I'm interested in now? Why must I take all these unnecessary classes, why are you trying to control me? I will prevail, let me assure you. I also hoped for clarity; what should I do with my life? The more I learn, the more confused I get. Everything's getting complicated! Why must I do this all myself? I guess I'm not alone, but it seems like I'm the only one interested in me sometimes. You are definitely not interested in me, you are just an impersonal idea that American culture has made seem important and necessary. I really don't need you though, I could learn everything I need from experience...that is, if anyone would let me get experience without you. Sigh, looks like you win there. Again I emphasize though, I Will Prevail! That is all, for now.

'What-Do-I-Know' Ramblings

Life is like a sick sine curve.
The ups and downs,
The hormone cycles,
The seasons.
Life does what it wants
And we are mere victims
Of its seemingly whimsical ways.
You can be happy.
You can be very happy.
Sadness will come again someday.
It may appear that nothing we do
Can change the fate of this vast world.
And maybe that is true.
Perception is a funny thing though,
For I can see the world improving
And my life with it.
Am I important?
Statistically, maybe not.
Personally, I think so.
How can I make a difference?
I may never end up in a text book
Being memorized by future generations
Just trying to get through their education.
So what?
People around me;
Neighbors,
Family,
Friends.
They all exist
And are equally as complex as I am.
Do they care about me?
Can my actions change their picture of the world?
Maybe.
Who am I to know?
I don't need to know.
To be myself,
And strive towards greatness,
Is all I have to worry about.
I just hope that along the way
I can impact the lives of others.
Positively.

Crazy Nerdy Excitement!

     So I had orientation at Wright State yesterday, and I just have to say that I am so freakin' excited for college! Just walking through the Biological Science building with labs to be seen left and right made me giddy, and honestly my heart hurt by how much I wanted to learn in that building! Haha, it sounds so silly I know! I'm pretty sure I was the only person in my group that felt this way though. And then whenever the professors/students got to talking about how if we're lucky we could do research while still a freshman, I couldn't help but feel myself glow inside. That literally is one of the most exciting ideas for me; to perform research with my professors would be such an honor! That and studying abroad, what could be cooler? I just cannot wait to start this college journey, I know it's going to be epic! I wish I had had a parent or friend at orientation with me so that I could have shared some of the emotions I had during it, but I really can't complain. Which brings me to something else I want to discuss, about growing up in general.
     Everything that's been happening to me lately, such as finishing high school, getting a job, and being more independant, has been causing me to mature rather quickly. Being at orientation by myself and finding that I'm not an awkward loner, meaning I still easily talked to others and really didn't feel left out, made me clearly realize that I'm not really a kid anymore. I wouldn't go as far to say that I feel like an adult right now, but I feel like that isn't far from coming. I can feel this shift in me happening right now, and it's a crazy, unimagined sensation. I honestly did not think that I would start "becoming an adult" until after I have had my own car and place to live for a while, but it seems that working, going to college, and having my own money will make this happen without the car and house (but hopefully I will have a car before long!). Haha, this is still so new to me that I don't know what to think about it yet, except that I'm so excited for the future! Great things are happening, that's all I know.

The Curse of Potential

     I think I am at a critical point in my life. At the risk of sounding clique, I kind of feel like an empty canvas. Well, maybe not entirely so, there is at least a background color for some future picture. The trouble is, what the heck do I want to draw? It has recently been brought back to my attention that I am not super talented at any one thing. Though I try to avoid being the same as anyone else, I almost would prefer a typical, impressive skill such as playing an instrument or drawing over what I do have. What is this you may ask? The ability to not suck at most things. Now I really don't want to sound like I'm bragging, because I really am not, but I have found that I am pretty well rounded in the kinds of things I can do. I have a decent singing voice, I can sew a bit, I can paint and draw a little, I can understand math, I am pretty good at computers and video games, I can run long distances, blah blah blah. Any one of those things could be something someone is amazing at, but I am not one of those people. I have the potential to be great at anything, I think, and all I'd have to do is choose one, or maybe two. But I cannot seem to make up my mind what I like best, I want to be great at them all! That may not be possible though and certainly not easy.
     This dilemma extends into my career goals as well. When I was younger, I wanted to be a vet. I always thought the idea of being able to take care of my own animals, as well as those of my friends and family, and give shots legally was so cool, and I was set on doing that for many years. Being older though I have realized how much that kind of job would not make me happy. Being a vet for a normal institution is not about helping people or the animals really, it's about making money. Ever since we had to put to sleep my dog a few years ago, I have a distaste for these modern vet clinics. So I had come up with the idea to run my own shop where I would give good service for reasonable prices. I still like this idea and hope to make it happen, but recently I've thought that I really want to go out into various places in the world to study habitats and perform important research. This is currently what I'm set on, but even more recently I've been inspired to become more humanistic in my studies. I really love people, work has made me see this more, and I so badly want the ability to relate to many kinds of people. One thing this would require is a diverse knowledge of language. This means that so far I want to become an expert on veterinary, business, research, and linguistic skills. Haha, how can one person do so much? I would never get done with school! A normal person would pick one of those and be content, so why can't I? I could succeed in any of these, but I cannot see how I could have more than a basic understanding in all of them. Hmm, too bad I can't just be an elf from Lord of the Rings or Eragon that theoretically has eternity to learn whatever the heck they want. Oh well, I'm alive so I can't really complain. If I experience an epiphany on this topic I'm sure I'll blog about it. For now I'm just going to give it all some more thought. Yay for thinking!

The Resolutions of a New Life

     So, it's been a while since my last post. The last few months of high school and the IB program consumed all of my energy and I basically gave up everything except school, but now I intend to make up for lost time! I have come to realize a lot about myself recently and a lot has been happening to me lately, such as school being over, working my first job, and meeting new people. I have felt inspired to make things happen for a long time and so now I'm going to try to describe what I've been thinking into comprehensible words. So here we go, some resolutions for life!
     I think the main thing I've realized during my experience with IB is that I want to travel so badly! I want to see the world and all the kinds of cultures that exist. I've already made up my mind to study abroad in Australia sometime during my undergraduate education, working in the rainforest there perhaps? Haha, I have much excitement for this. Random fact, did you know that Australia contains every climate? Except maybe arctic, I can't remember, but the idea is still so cool! And just for fun, did you know that the longest road in Australia is over 5,000 miles? That's like driving from New York to Hawaii, if that were possible. Crazy stuff exists in Australia! Anyway, I've also decided recently that I want to learn to speak and write Arabic and then eventually go and visit the culture, in Africa maybe? That's where one of my good friends is from, Northern Africa, and I can't help but get really enthused whenever I consider myself going there. I take that as a sign that I should go someday. And hearing about other people going to places such as Germany and France makes me want to go too. I definitely have to visit Rome, my Latin teacher instilled a love for the whole country and its history/culture. Oh goodness, the world is crazy!
     Somewhat related to my desire to travel, I also feel driven to start becoming a hiking and camping fanatic. I've always loved hearing the experiences of others who have taken on crazy hiking adventures and I would love to have my own stories to share. As of yet, I have never been camping anywhere other than populated camping grounds, which is still fun but I really want to rough it out and see how I manage. I don't think I'll try to do what Bear Grylls does or anything, I don't want to Die, but it would be cool to have to make a shelter and to start a fire without a lighter. Haha, I'll probably need to learn how to do all those things first though!
     And now there's a more vague idea I've been contemplating. Because of how many people I see at work, I've been given a renewed desire to become more involved in other people's lives. I've reread some of my blog posts and journal entries recently and I can see that this is something I've wanted for a long time, but I haven't really felt capable until now. I don't know what's different in me that makes this seem possible, but now I'm not so afraid to put myself out there and try new things/meet new people. I'm not afraid to feel awkward like I used to be, which makes everything a lot easier. I don't know, this is a new feeling so I don't really know how to explain it. But yeah, things are happening and I'm so excited to experience them!
     I guess that's all for now, I'll hopefully be blogging again soon!

    

The Paradigm of American Christianity

     I have become increasingly aware of how little the Christians around me actually know anything about religion. Most of them can name a few other religious groups, such as Jews and Muslims, but how many know that 'Sikhism', 'Juche', and 'Baha'i' even exist? I know that I didn't! Lately I have been wanting to become more culturally aware, but what's sad is that I have not even completely read the religious text of my own faith, the Bible! I have likely read more of it than many Christians, but there are so many that have read the whole thing multiple times, and members of other religions seem to have their's memorized! Though this could just be a misconception of my ignorance. I have a new desire to understand what my religion is supposed to stand for and how/why it exists, but not only this I want to understand other religions and what connections they all have with each other. I would love to become aware of all the current world religions, but there are so many! So for now I am going to look at the big ones and work my way down to the more obscure. If anyone wants me to research a specific kind, feel free to comment and tell me. I will do my best to stay unbiased and restrain from inputting my own opinions. If no suggestions come, I will start with the most obvious, Christianity, though the number of sects will take some time to sort through. And so the journey begins! 

Random Thoughts of a Soul

     Has anyone else noticed that adults and life in general has been lying to us all our lives? Obviously not everything is a lie, but many things are. For instance, who decided that kids under their parents' care can't possibly feel things such as stress or love? I'm a kid still and I know what both of these sensations are. Sure, I don't know what it's like to have a love that results from marriage, but honestly how many married people do know what this is? Not all of them, that's for sure. But this is not the only kind of love! If you think that to love someone means to be in a romantic relationship, then you are missing out! I love my friends dearly, both guys and girls. To me, those relationships have been far more fruitful than all of my dating experiences put together. And sure, I don't know what it's like to be financially in charge of little people, but I do know how to take care of them and the pressure that comes from them looking up to you. I do this while trying to focus on preparing myself for my own some day, by getting a stable, decent paying career that I also love. That's pretty tricky.
     I think teenagers everywhere are underestimated. The average adult just assumes that since we do not have as many years of experience as they have, we just can't know anything about life. They tell us things like "high school and college will be the best times of our lives" and that "we have so much freedom" which of course we take for granted. What I want to tell these kinds of adults is "hey, you know nothing about me!" And it would be true, they don't know what it's like to be in AP or IB classes these days or how much pressure we have to go to college. My teachers now will admit that school is much harder than it used to be and many colleges are raising their standards. And they probably don't know what it's like to be like a mom to six younger siblings at the age of 18 because their parents are seperated. Of course I'm not saying anything bad about my parents, but it is inevitable that there is some slack to pick up from both of them when now they have their own households to run by themselves. Now this is just stuff about me, I can't even imagine what other teens are going through. I wish I could say that I knew more about other people, more of their struggles and desires. In the entire span of my life I have mostly worried about myself and my family, which isn't bad, and now I'm wishing that I could have gotten more involved with others. I plan on being more proactive in friendships from now on, but I may have realized I wanted this too late for high school. Which is definitely unfortunate.
     I hope this makes sense to anyone reading, and if someone feels similarly feel free to comment and share your thoughts. I'm off to try and collect my own thoughts and put them into some kind of action.

A Midsummer Night's Dream - Amazing!

I just want to get started by saying GOOD JOB FAIRMONT ACTORS!! I honestly can say that this year's winter play was the best school performance I've been to. The whole set up was brilliant and I loved the atmosphere. The modern twist made it so much more humorous, definitely worth getting NHS hours for! (I would have gone anyway though)

But now, I would like to individually congratulate the actors. Here we go!

Kevin Manley - I don't personally know you, but good job! You pulled off a very sophisticated Theseus.
Briahna Shifflett - You also did a great job! And I like your tattoo:)
Abby Lybrook - You were awesome, very good bit at the end before the Pyramus and Thisbe play!
                          (and thanks for the invitation to the wedding!)
Patrick Condron - Very nice job, liked the acting.
Caroline Grogan - Really enjoyed your character, good job on the dramatic parts.
Sean Cassidy - Your acting was good as well, enjoyed the funny scenes.
Jacob Nickel - Not going to lie, I did not expect you would be that good! You spoke very nicely and acted
                        well.
Ananda Harris - Good job girl! Your character was so funny, I loved it!
Melanie West - You know, it's funny because you sometimes act that silly in real life! Love you Mel!
Kevin O'Donnell - Awesome job Kevin, you were the perfect guy for the part!
Indigo Monbeck - Nice job, adding the skateboard was a good idea!
Matt Ebersbach - You were fantastic! I am so excited to see you perform in Miami shows!!
Katie Molnar - Nicely done, even with the IB load you managed your character well.
Kevin Heinkel - I have to say, your character was one of the funniest, even though you had hardly any lines!

And good job to the stage crew and everyone I missed! You guys made a Great show!

My Kind of Perfect - Inspired

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch9RBTb1oRo&feature=related


I advise you watch this video before reading what I have to say, the theme was inspired by it. A theme that is pretty common, and probably too clique for anyone to care. It's about love. Yep, probably lost any potential readers. But I'm not here to talk about how "I'm so lonely" and "why can't my knight-in-shining-armor arrive"? Nope. Instead, I would like to start off by discussing the word's tragic death. Love, what does it even mean? Well...


"An intense feeling of deep affection."
Sure.


Really?

"Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)."

"To get pleasure from."

Hmm...

Haha, sucks doesn't it? How are you supposed to know what someone means when they say "I love you"? Okay, that's great. Now does that you you want to marry me or am I just a hobby to you? Hopefully the latter isn't true, interests change.

But that is also clique, I could go on youtube right now and find something that talks about the over/misuse of the word 'love'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Iv62bxFTW0&feature=BFa&list=UU0jIctUPBK6lHw4AYnGHvCA&lf=plcp

Oh look, found one!

This has a religious twist to the issue, but the problem is real nonetheless.

This being said, I would like to get to the point, to the reason why I'm actually writing this. I would like to openly show my appreciation for people who aren't afraid to be real, in front of the world, where judgement could be passed on them. David, for instance, is willing to let his fans know that he hasn't dated anyone, which could be embarrassing to some, and that he's going to wait for "his kind of perfect." How adorable is that? Of course he could be lying to gain the respect of female minds like mine, but I find that possibility very unlikely.

I know of only a few people with this kind of confidence. It's hard to be that strong, I know that I'm not there yet, but I also know that it will be worth the struggle. Someday I hope to be there, unshakeable in my beliefs and standards. But even if I never do, I can at least be sure that I'm going to continuously get closer. Anyone want to join me? :)

Shut Up and Listen...I'm Right!

     My desire to use the title in my daily life has been continually increasing lately, I'm surprised I haven't already said it aloud by accident. It has definitely crossed my mind a few times, usually with a hint of extreme irritation. It's pretty sad though, especially since I can recognize my own fallacious thinking. I know that 'truths' cannot ever be concidered entirely true, since all of our ways of knowing have significant weaknesses. You'd think that given this I wouldn't believe so strongly that one idea has more truth than another, but my own prideful nature often overrides logic.
     Now this doesn't mean that I don't listen to opposing arguments and that I immediately reject ideas that conflict with my own. I have no problem ditching one theory for another, as long as I'm shown substantial proof. In fact, I would gladly take the side with more convincing evidence. But if I'm a part of an argument where only opinions and personal interpretations are used to prove a point, I'm sorry but I'm going to secretly think that everyone is hopelessly wrong. I don't always mean to do this, but it happens nonetheless.
     I prefer intellectual discussions where actual knowledge is used over pointless debates about who cares what.
     I know I seem pretty negative right now, which I am, so excuse me if offense is taken. But please, people, stop arguing about topics you know hardly anything about. Do a little research before you say you're right and I'm wrong. And for goodness sakes, don't make up facts like my brother does, it only increases my inflated ego that says I'm always right. I need to be humbled soon before I think I'm all powerful as well.